Please pray that our embabies survive to be transferred and at least one implants.
Have a wonderful Wednesday and I will keep you updated.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
FET Update
Well I went last Friday (4/23) to be scanned and have blood drawn. My lining is perfect now, not too thick YAY!!!!! Of course it helped that I had my period - icky lol. And my blood work came back good, so I don't have to go back for monitoring again. And FET is for sure FRIDAY 4/30. That's this Friday folks, I very well could be knocked up this time next week!
I have hope - that both our embabies will survive the thaw (we lost 2 when we did the FET in December, transferred 2 so we only have 2 left)
I have hope - that this FET will work and we will be pregnant.
I have hope - that the cerclage will work and I will be able to sustain a pregnancy to full-term and bring home our rainbow baby
I have hope - that we will all get our Happy ending.
Please pray that our embabies survive to be transferred and at least one implants.
Have a wonderful Wednesday and I will keep you updated.
Please pray that our embabies survive to be transferred and at least one implants.
Have a wonderful Wednesday and I will keep you updated.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
WISH LIST FOR BEREAVED PARENTS
I wanted to share this with you all. I saw it on Four of a Kind
WISH LIST FOR BEREAVED PARENTS
(Some people attribute this to having come from the "Compassionate Friends" orgnanization and others to a woman named Jenny Coffey, who is listed on Pregnancy.org as being the author --> http://www.pregnancy.org/article/wish-list-bereaved-parent)
I wish my child hadn't died. I wish I had her back.
I wish you wouldn't be afraid to speak my child's name. My child lived and was very important to me. I need to hear that she was important to you also.
If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my child I wish you knew that it isn't because you have hurt me. My child's death is the cause of my tears.
You have talked about my child, and you have allowed me to share my grief. I thank you for both.
I wish you wouldn't "kill" my child again by removing her pictures, artwork, or other remembrances from your home.
Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't shy away from me. I need you now more than ever.
I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you; but, I also want you to hear about me.
I might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you would let me talk about my child, my favorite topic of the day.
I know you think of and pray for me often. I also know that my child's death pains you, too.
I wish you would let me know those things through a phone call, a card, note, or a real big hug.
I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in a short period of time. I wish you could understand that my grief will never be over.
I will suffer the death of my child until the day I die. Grief is a life long process.
I am working very hard in my recovery, but I wish you could understand that I will never fully recover.
I will always miss my child, and I will always grieve that she is dead.
I wish you wouldn't expect me "not to think about it" or to "be happy".
Neither will happen for a very long time, so don't frustrate yourself.
I don't want to have a "pity party", but I do wish you would let me grieve. I must hurt before I can heal.
I wish you understood how my life has shattered. I know it is miserable for you to be around me when I'm feeling miserable. Please be as patient with me as I am with you.
When I say "I'm doing okay", I wish you could understand that I don't "feel" okay and that I struggle daily.
I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I'm having are very normal.
Depression, anger, hopelessness and overwhelming sadness are all to be expected. So please excuse me when I'm quiet and withdrawn or irritable and cranky.
Your advice to "take one day at a time" is excellent advice. However, a day is too much and too fast for me right now. I wish you could understand that I'm doing good to handle an hour at a time.
Please excuse me if I seem rude, certainly not my intent. Sometimes the world around me goes too fast and I need to get off. When I walk away, I wish you would let me find a quiet place to spend time alone.
I wish you understood that grief changes people. When my child died, a big part of me died with her. I am not the same person I was before my child died, and I will never be that person again.
I wish very much that you could understand my loss and grief, my silence and my tears, my void and my pain. BUT...I pray daily that you will never understand.
WISH LIST FOR BEREAVED PARENTS
(Some people attribute this to having come from the "Compassionate Friends" orgnanization and others to a woman named Jenny Coffey, who is listed on Pregnancy.org as being the author --> http://www.pregnancy.org/article/wish-list-bereaved-parent)
I wish my child hadn't died. I wish I had her back.
I wish you wouldn't be afraid to speak my child's name. My child lived and was very important to me. I need to hear that she was important to you also.
If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my child I wish you knew that it isn't because you have hurt me. My child's death is the cause of my tears.
You have talked about my child, and you have allowed me to share my grief. I thank you for both.
I wish you wouldn't "kill" my child again by removing her pictures, artwork, or other remembrances from your home.
Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't shy away from me. I need you now more than ever.
I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you; but, I also want you to hear about me.
I might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you would let me talk about my child, my favorite topic of the day.
I know you think of and pray for me often. I also know that my child's death pains you, too.
I wish you would let me know those things through a phone call, a card, note, or a real big hug.
I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in a short period of time. I wish you could understand that my grief will never be over.
I will suffer the death of my child until the day I die. Grief is a life long process.
I am working very hard in my recovery, but I wish you could understand that I will never fully recover.
I will always miss my child, and I will always grieve that she is dead.
I wish you wouldn't expect me "not to think about it" or to "be happy".
Neither will happen for a very long time, so don't frustrate yourself.
I don't want to have a "pity party", but I do wish you would let me grieve. I must hurt before I can heal.
I wish you understood how my life has shattered. I know it is miserable for you to be around me when I'm feeling miserable. Please be as patient with me as I am with you.
When I say "I'm doing okay", I wish you could understand that I don't "feel" okay and that I struggle daily.
I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I'm having are very normal.
Depression, anger, hopelessness and overwhelming sadness are all to be expected. So please excuse me when I'm quiet and withdrawn or irritable and cranky.
Your advice to "take one day at a time" is excellent advice. However, a day is too much and too fast for me right now. I wish you could understand that I'm doing good to handle an hour at a time.
Please excuse me if I seem rude, certainly not my intent. Sometimes the world around me goes too fast and I need to get off. When I walk away, I wish you would let me find a quiet place to spend time alone.
I wish you understood that grief changes people. When my child died, a big part of me died with her. I am not the same person I was before my child died, and I will never be that person again.
I wish very much that you could understand my loss and grief, my silence and my tears, my void and my pain. BUT...I pray daily that you will never understand.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Rough Week & FET Update
This last week was extremely difficult for me to get through. I have been super emotional (ranging from weeping, to being happy, to yelling at people for no reason - I mean at the time I started yelling there was a reason, but after I got done it was a stupid reason lol).
April 10th was 6 months since Cadynce has been gone. I can't believe it's been that long; it seems like yesterday and a million years ago all at the same time. It's been the fastest and the slowest 6 months ever. I miss her more each day it seems.
I don't know if I have mentioned it or not, but my grandfather (Pappy) has been sick since November. The doctors at first thought he had cancer, but a broncoscopy and biopsy showed no cancer cells, and he was diagnosed with Organizing Pneumonia. He has been on steroids since late December early January and it seemed like they were helping. Monday he was running a fever, coughing and in quite a bit of pain so he went in to his lung specialist early and they did an x-ray which showed that instead of getting better the pneumonia appeared to have doubled. The actual lung specialist was out of town so the PA said that he had 2 options (1-go into hospital and get IV antibiotics or 2-go home and start oral antibiotics) and he, being a stubborn man said he wasn't going to the hospital so home he went.
He woke up Tuesday in so much pain and coughing so much he could not get comfortable no matter what he tried so they called 911 and had an ambulance take him to ER. He was admitted and they started running more tests (CTScan, MRI, not sure what all else). The lunch specialist was back in town at this point and said that while he definitely had pneumonia, and had fluid on his lungs because of it, but he thought something else was going on (so we were back to cancer at this point) and wanted to do another bronoscopy and biopsy.
He went into surgery Wednesday and they started by removing the fluid and doing a broncoscopy, but they still couldn’t see everything they needed to see so they decided to open him up. Turns out he had a HUGE abscess on the lower lobe of his right lung that was teeming with infection, and it was basically destroyed. They had to remove the 1/2 of his right lung that was destroyed by the infection, but thank god they found no evidence of cancer. They are still sending the part that was removed for testing just to confirm. We very well could have lost him if my grandmother hadn't made him go to the hospital on Tuesday, which I don't even like to think about. He is still in ICU, until a private room becomes available, but seems to be doing much better. He's already back to his smart-ass self so that’s a good sign!!! Needless to say the past week has been fraught with worry.
So, anyway ---- on the FET front:
Had Lupron shot on 4/9 – it wasn’t too bad and I really didn’t have any side effects that I noticed (chris said i was bitchy which maybe I was I dunno lol), but I started my period on Wednesday which I wasn’t expecting yay, but it only lasted til Sunday so it wasn’t too bad.
Went in 4/16 for monitoring, ovaries looked good and suppressed, but the nurse said my lining was a little thick – has anyone ever been told their lining was too thick? I’m worried that it might interfere with the transfer and we will have to postpone.
Will go back this Friday 4/23 for more BW and another US so hopefully lining will be good not too thick. So we can do a transfer 4/30.
I am very positive about this FET, whereas for the last one in December I was really, really nervous and scared. Plus it is in between mine and Chris’s birthdays. Mines this Saturday the 24th (I’m going to be 32 ughhhh, how did I get so old?????) and chris’s is 5/8 (he will be 33). So we are both taking that as a good sign LOL.
Hope everyone is having a great week!!!
April 10th was 6 months since Cadynce has been gone. I can't believe it's been that long; it seems like yesterday and a million years ago all at the same time. It's been the fastest and the slowest 6 months ever. I miss her more each day it seems.
I don't know if I have mentioned it or not, but my grandfather (Pappy) has been sick since November. The doctors at first thought he had cancer, but a broncoscopy and biopsy showed no cancer cells, and he was diagnosed with Organizing Pneumonia. He has been on steroids since late December early January and it seemed like they were helping. Monday he was running a fever, coughing and in quite a bit of pain so he went in to his lung specialist early and they did an x-ray which showed that instead of getting better the pneumonia appeared to have doubled. The actual lung specialist was out of town so the PA said that he had 2 options (1-go into hospital and get IV antibiotics or 2-go home and start oral antibiotics) and he, being a stubborn man said he wasn't going to the hospital so home he went.
He woke up Tuesday in so much pain and coughing so much he could not get comfortable no matter what he tried so they called 911 and had an ambulance take him to ER. He was admitted and they started running more tests (CTScan, MRI, not sure what all else). The lunch specialist was back in town at this point and said that while he definitely had pneumonia, and had fluid on his lungs because of it, but he thought something else was going on (so we were back to cancer at this point) and wanted to do another bronoscopy and biopsy.
He went into surgery Wednesday and they started by removing the fluid and doing a broncoscopy, but they still couldn’t see everything they needed to see so they decided to open him up. Turns out he had a HUGE abscess on the lower lobe of his right lung that was teeming with infection, and it was basically destroyed. They had to remove the 1/2 of his right lung that was destroyed by the infection, but thank god they found no evidence of cancer. They are still sending the part that was removed for testing just to confirm. We very well could have lost him if my grandmother hadn't made him go to the hospital on Tuesday, which I don't even like to think about. He is still in ICU, until a private room becomes available, but seems to be doing much better. He's already back to his smart-ass self so that’s a good sign!!! Needless to say the past week has been fraught with worry.
So, anyway ---- on the FET front:
Had Lupron shot on 4/9 – it wasn’t too bad and I really didn’t have any side effects that I noticed (chris said i was bitchy which maybe I was I dunno lol), but I started my period on Wednesday which I wasn’t expecting yay, but it only lasted til Sunday so it wasn’t too bad.
Went in 4/16 for monitoring, ovaries looked good and suppressed, but the nurse said my lining was a little thick – has anyone ever been told their lining was too thick? I’m worried that it might interfere with the transfer and we will have to postpone.
Will go back this Friday 4/23 for more BW and another US so hopefully lining will be good not too thick. So we can do a transfer 4/30.
I am very positive about this FET, whereas for the last one in December I was really, really nervous and scared. Plus it is in between mine and Chris’s birthdays. Mines this Saturday the 24th (I’m going to be 32 ughhhh, how did I get so old?????) and chris’s is 5/8 (he will be 33). So we are both taking that as a good sign LOL.
Hope everyone is having a great week!!!
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Hey Helps
I'm technically challenged. I want to add a widget so that my buttons from blogs I follow scroll. Can anyone help me?
I'm dumb I admit it LOL
If you can I will loves your forever and ever and evers!!!!!
I'm dumb I admit it LOL
If you can I will loves your forever and ever and evers!!!!!
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Well..FET
So we are in the process of having our next FET. Well you know that process with all the fun meds.
Chris was terrified about the one we did in December and we all know how that turned out, but he says he is excited about this one and has a good feeling. So I am trying to take that as this will be the one.
Now my next issue - Cerclage, anyone out there who has had one, coud you give me some guidance. Which one do you think is best, and when did you have to go out of work on Bedrest. I am hoping that I wont have to be on bedrest until later in pregnancy (there's my hope) but really want to know what to expect. I can't seem to convince Chris that me being out for a long time is a possibility.
So if you can help answer any of those e-mail me at iamamommy @ att dot net
Thanks and LOTZA hugs
- CD1 was 3/31.
- Started BCP's 4/1, for 12 days
- Will go to RE's on 4/9 for Lupron Shot (help me out here, we didnt do this last time, what kind of side effects can I expect?)
- 4/16 go in for monitoring
- not sure exactly when I will start estrace, vivelle progesterone. I have to ask when I go in on friday.
- FET is scheduled for 4/30.
Chris was terrified about the one we did in December and we all know how that turned out, but he says he is excited about this one and has a good feeling. So I am trying to take that as this will be the one.
Now my next issue - Cerclage, anyone out there who has had one, coud you give me some guidance. Which one do you think is best, and when did you have to go out of work on Bedrest. I am hoping that I wont have to be on bedrest until later in pregnancy (there's my hope) but really want to know what to expect. I can't seem to convince Chris that me being out for a long time is a possibility.
So if you can help answer any of those e-mail me at iamamommy @ att dot net
Thanks and LOTZA hugs
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