31 weeks

Today, Thursday 1/26/2012, I am 31 weeks pregnant with our little boy - our rainbow. The closer we get to him actually being here - well it's hard to explain I guess. I feel so incredibly blessed, but at the same time I am a complete basket case.

I am a basket case because there are a lot of thoughts of I should have a 2 years old. There are all these things that Cadynce will never get to do on her own, with us, with her baby brother (who, if the way that I tormented my baby brother would have been in for it). I was watching 'Say Yes to the Dress' the other day (working from home can be boring sometimes) and watching the girls with their moms getting emotional when the dress is picked out - well let's just say I completely and totally lost it because all I could think is I will never get to do that with my daughter. There are so many things we wanted to do, places we wanted to take her, experiences we will never get to share. While I have known these things for the whole 2+ years since we lost her....I guess it's hitting home in a significant kind of way since The Boy will be here soon and we will get to have those experiences with him.

I am beginning to understand how hard it is loving my baby girl in Heaven and my rainbow here on Earth. It's a very confusing and wonderful feeling at the same time. There were many times over the last 2 years that I doubted we would get to this point, and while he's not here yet it won't be long. My heart is beginning to overflow with the want, the need, the grief and the happiness. I really don't even know how to begin to describe it, but I know those of you reading know, you get it. I can say these things to you. Things that my family (no matter how much they love me) just can't understand, they don't get it and they never will. Thank you for letting me get it out there, even if it is rambly and disjointed.

**Deep Breath**

I am truly, truly blessed and thankful to have made it to 31 weeks without having to be on complete bedrest. While I have had my doubts about God over the last couple of years, this is just one instance where I know he is watching out for us. We will go in next week for an ultrasound to check on The Boy to be sure he is growing well and I can't wait to see him again and see how big he may be. It's getting exciting and real, more real than I ever imagined. So far so good, other than me having the crap Gestational Diabetes things have been relatively easy on us, so again - blessed.

Huh, well this is not where I was planning on going with this post when I started it.....but sometimes I never know what's going to come out when I start.

It's late, I am tired, and not even sure this post really makes much sense (lol) but I wanted to say hi and let y'all know it's going well still!!

XOXO ~ Allison

Happy New Year

I just want to wish everyone a happy new year. I'm hoping 2012 brings us all blessings - no matter what form we need or want them in. 2011 blessed me with a finally sticky baby, who is still inside and growing. 2012 damn well better bring me a healthy living baby. That's all I have to say about that. I have the lovely gestational diabetes test this week and I'm really looking forward to it. Haha. Just hoping I do not fail. Much love ~ Allison - Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone