Miscarriage

Well the bleeding didn't get any better and the clots got bigger.  Went back to RE at 1:30.  Uterus was empty.  I had a miscarriage.

Thanks for all your good thoughts and prayers.

well

I went last Wednesday for our first ultrasound.  There was one sac, but it was too soon to see anything.

Went this morning and we saw an embryo with a heartbeat.  But when the nurse took the wand out there was blood.  I'm still bleeding and cramping, and passed a clot earlier.

I am going to go back this afternoon to see the doctor (he's only at this location in the afternoons so I usually just see the nurse).

I'm scared.  I don't know how much more I can take to be honest.

Keeping my fingers crossed and praying that everything is ok.  All I can do is hope.

Sad news

Guys,
Please take a moment to stop by and give your support to Brooke.  She lost her son at 16 weeks due to premature rupture of her water earlier this week.  We all know that the smallest I'm sorry, or thinking about you - even from a complete stranger can be uplifting when you are first coping with a loss.

Thanks,
Allison

Rough Day

I am having a rough day today.  Not sure why.  I got a good night's sleep last night (and trust me those have been very rare in the last 7 + months), woke up in a good mood, but now while I still feel like I am in a good mood, I 'm very weepy.

I was trying to clean out my reader (yes I'm at work, but I'm working too sshhhhh) and I just wanted to start crying.  Not that anyone wrote anything that was sad (or any sadder than normal) but everything I read just made me want to cry.

I suppose it's a combo of all the hormones that get pumped into you when you do IVF - I mean really think about what all I'm adding to my body, plus with rising HCG levels (1376 yesterday!) and being scared and hopeful it's no wonder I'm weepy, but it's annoying!!

I go back to the RE tomorrow for more BW and our first U/S we will be able to see how many sacs we have, don't know if we will be able to see anything other than that.  I'm really scared after what happened with the FET in Dec, when we had our first U/S in January there was a sac, but as you know it was empty.  I think my numbers are so much better this time so I am hoping that tomorrow is a good day.

So I just want to be happy today - no more weepy - easier said than done....

Have a great Tuesday (is it Friday yet?)

Marvelous Monday 5/17/2010

Please join me in Marvelous Mondays.  This was created my Rachel @ Three Butterflies and a Monkey to remember that even through our sadness and despair there is always something good in our lives.

Today my Marvelous Monday is simply the fact that for today I am pregnant with our rainbow.  I have hope now that we will get through the despair and come out the other side.  We will never forget our loss and never ever forget our firstborn Cadynce, but we will be happy again.

1st Beta

Had my first beta today. 481.  so that's good.  But my progesterone is 13 which is lower than my RE wants it to be so on top of the PIO I have to have shot into my ass everyday I get to start using Crinone twice a day.

Can I just say if you have never used it -- yuck -- it's disgusting.....but I will do whatever it takes.

I am also going to talk to the RE on Monday when I go back about my PIO.  When we did the IVF last year that resulted in us being pregnant with Cadynce I was on PIO, but it was in Ethyl Olelate, with the FET in Dec and this one it is in Sesame Oil so I really wonder if that might be affect the way my body absorbs it.  Especially since I had absolutely no issues with my progesterone in that pregnancy.  We shall see what they say and what my tests say Monday.

Hope you all have a great weekend.

Word Cloud

Check out my word cloud on wordle.net.  its kind of neat.  I find it very telling that Wish is the biggest!

My Word Cloud

**UPDATED - you will need to click on the words My Word Cloud - I couldnt get the html code to work to just show it on my page... :-(

Mothers Day

Happy Mothers day (I know I am a day late, but Happy day anyway).  We are mother's even if no one wants to acknowledge it.  That's kind of frustrating to me, but I guess I need to get used to it.

I had a pretty good day.  Chris took me to the outlet mall and I got a new Coach purse and wallet, he loves me :-).

Beta is Friday, I'm nervous.  I know my beta will be positive, after all I have taken 4 tests.  I am a dork I admit it - lol.

I'm nervous about when I have my first U/S, just gotta pray that we have growth and development.  I'm not sure how much more I can take.

So..

So I got this today ..

Now I'm nervous