I really shouldn't have picked today to catch up on blog reading. Reading all the Father's Day posts gave me a break down that was the worst one I have had in a while.
I should have known it was coming. This is the 2nd year is a row that I was pregnant on Mother's Day but had miscarried by Father's Day.
I am really beginning to think it's just not going to happen.
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I was wondering about pain that dads who have lost an unborn baby, or who are struggling with fertility issues, handled yesterday.
I actually remarked to my husband that he and I have never been pregnant over a Mother's or Father's Day. We did have Lil Pumpkin's adoption referral in hand during the 2008 spring/summer, but being "paper pregnant" is different set of emotions.
I am so sorry that these holidays are painful in many ways.
I can't tell you if/when/how you may become pregnant or give birth someday. Parenthood is defined in many ways, and has many routes.
I am here to listen, still, and as I said before, I promise you I won't grow tired of it.
I had a good cry on the treadmill yesterday about the last time I m/c-ed, too. I remembered the image of my husband kissing my belly as I lay in bed, saying goodbye to that baby. The next morning she was gone from my body, and I automatically flip to that graphic image of what it looked like.
I am crying with you. Right now.
I'm sorry, Ali.
So sorry :(
I am so sorry too. I wish for hope soon. This has been our second father's day too after Joey. Still waiting. Still wondering if a baby will come home one day from the hospital.
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