Bleh - that's pretty much how I feel right now. I'm happy about not working where I was working anymore, but I'm worried about finding another job. I know that it has only been 3 weeks, but with my unemployment being denied I would be lying if I said I wasn't worried. We do have money enough for us to be OK for about 3 months, but after that.. Well It's not going to take that long, at least I keep telling myself that anyway. Maybe I will even start to believe it. I have a 2nd interview Wednesday for a job so fingers crossed that it goes well.
I realized yesterday that I would be 19 weeks pregnant this week if I had not miscarried in May, that would be almost longer than I was pregnant with Cady. Both of those ideas are depressing me. Plus knowing that we are going to have to put off IVF about a year or so, well it's not making me happier.
I have been having a lot of thoughts lately about skipping IVF #2 and going straight to adoption. I just really don't know if I can deal with the whole process and if it works being pregnant. I am just not sure that I am emotionally ready for that stress and worry again. Not that adoption would be stress or worry free I know.
I haven't talked to Chris about it yet, so I do not know what he would think. Maybe I will talk to him about it soon.
I have also decided to go back on birth control. It is very unlikely that I would be able to get pregnant naturally, after all I have not been on BCP's since 2004 and there has not even been one maybe I'm pregnant moment other than IVF. It would be to regulate my cycles and not have my period for 2 weeks. I started on 8/20 and I am STILL bleeding heavily. It's really annoying and happens every month. I will be calling my OB/GYN tomorrow to make an appointment I think.
I had an appt with a new therapist last week but had to cancel it, just cant afford to spend any money other than what is absolutely necessary right now. I will make another one once I have a job, I think that it is really important to me especially as Cady's 1st birthday is quickly approaching.
This has been a very disjointed and if you have read this whole thing - I love you lol
Have a good Tuesday.
9 comments:
maybe when it comes closer to the time where you could be doing IVF you might have a change of heart. know it's easier said than done, but since that's not happening right now, you don't have to think too much about it right now. i'm not saying never think about it, i know full well that's impossible.
Ugg...hang in there. Check out state provided services. They may offer free counseling. Not sure how good it would be but might hold you over until you find a job. Sorry your unemployment claim was denied. Where is the system when you need it the most??
I am in the middle of MAPP classes for adopting through foster care. If you want a sounding board feel free to email me. I hope you find the decision that works best for you.
As far as the counseling goes - do you have a crisis line where you live? I used one once and it was a lot of help. They are really for emergencies but if you are having a desperate day they can be literal lifesavers. I'm sure you can do a google search for where you live, or just call one long distance. Good luck, I hope you find something soon!
Good luck with he second interview!
I feel your pain. I just lost our twin sons on August 4th, 2010. I was only 5 months along. I am also and IVF patient and I know how hard that is as well. I would love to talk with you and I am here if you need anything. I will friend you on facebook.
Much love to you.
I wanted to say than you for dropping by my blog. I am just now trying to get back with everyone and trying to be more organized in general about blogging and visiting everyone's sites.
I am sorry to hear about your job situation - that on top of IF is just plain depressing. At least you have three months savings - you're doing better than most.
So sorry about your unemployment - that really stinks! I was laid off in May I still have my unemployment but need to start substitute teaching which I dread in my current emotional state. I hope your OB/GYN appointment is helpful and that you have some smiles coming your way and a new job too!
Praying that you get a new, wonderful job <3
I hope that your job interview went well and that you got the job. You certainly deserve it.
I haven't had to go through IVF (yet), but I lost Jacob on June 1, 2010. Then by some miracle I got pregnant in July, but didn't know it until I miscarried on August 20th. It was one thing to lose one baby, but then to lose another. Pregnancy is so filled with fear now.
I hope that whatever path you take, it works for you with as little stress as possible.
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