I feel like a failure.
I am a failure and carrying, nourshing and bringing my child into this world safely.
I am a failure at getting pregnant - something that should just be my RIGHT as a woman.
I am a failure at keeping a job as well evidently.
I learned my lesson and will not work for a small company ever again if I can help it. I thought when I took the job that it would be a good thing, small family owned, that they would be a good place to work. But they are not subject to all those pesky laws regarding medical treatments and procedures not being allowed to be used against you. Anyway, don't want to bitch about that too much don't want anyone to find out about this blog that I used to work with.
I have the weirdest feeling over the last week. While I am freaking out about the not having a job thing, I am happier than I have been in a really long time. Not having to go to a place every day that makes me miserable has helped my depression so much! Just keeping my fingers crossed that it won't take me that long to find something else. Really really hoping. Chris says he's not worried so I am trying to keep a positive attitude, I've never had a problem finding a job before so - here's hoping that continues!
Hope everyone has a good week.
15 comments:
You are NOT a failure. I know that you know we can't blame ourselves for what our bodies do (and don't do), but sometimes it's easy to forget.
Can you sue this company for discriminatory practices?
I *am* glad that you have some time to breathe and think without going somewhere you hate every day. Hang in there ...
I'm so very sorry about your losing your job. That really, really stinks. I hope you find something better very soon, and that it begins a string of only good things happening for you. I'm also very sorry for the loss of your daughter, Cadynce, and your other losses. I'll be holding you in my thoughts.
From LFCA
You are not a failure sweetie! I know it is hard to see that now, but it is the truth.
I with you all the luck in the world on the job front!
I'm sorry to hear about all you've been through in the past year - all of your losses. Please know that these are not your doing. A dear friend recently told me this: "It's not you - it's your body that's not doing what it's supposed to do." And as far as the job goes, I can totally relate to not enjoying what you're doing - it's bad for the soul which can only be bad for fertility, I think. I hope you can enjoy a little time off before you find another position in a healthier work environment.
Love,
Maddy
hugs! you are definitely NOT a failure. it looks like you've found some of the silver lining in the job situation - you know you never want to work for a small company again and you are already feeling better because you don't have to go there! hoping you find your perfect job next, and hoping 2011 brings you your baby. until then, deeeeeep yooooga breaths. :)
My husband got fired from the first place he worked after being done with school - after a few days of being embarrassed, he realized it was a relief. And he learned what NOT to do (in his profession), and how to place value on being ethical in his profession. You are on the road to the same.
Honey, nobody will be able to convince you of this, but you are not a failure for your daughter not being with you in this world. Nor for having difficulties conceiving. Please think about if this had happened to your dear friend . . . would you judge her a failure? Think she is less of a woman? Of course not. It was a horrible thing that happened to your family. It will always hurt. It does not place a value on you as a person.
I don't know if you are religious, but my priest said he likes to think that God steps in when they are too little or too sick to make it here on their own, and He holds them in his arms until we are reunited with them again. I still get choked up thinking about that . . . but it is the only helpful thing that was ever said to me. Ever.
All of this - fertility/infertility, healthy children/babies that die - it's all so random. It has to be. I don't feel that God "blesses" or even Fate blesses people with fertility or healthy kids, and curses others. If that were the case then cr.ackh.eads wouldn't be fertile, and those wonderful & gainfully employed folks wouldn't have heartache. It's random. It just sucks and is awful because it happens to us or someone we love, and we can't explain it and the pain never goes away fully.
I don't believe we have a right to get pregnant, or even to parent. But we do have the ability to explore many options to get our rainbow.
I wish I could be there in person to stroke your shoulder and nod as you share your feelings. Please know that I am via this blog, though.
You're not a failure at all, Ali. I know you have heard all of the "where God closes a door" types of things, but I truly believe that this is a good thing for your future. You'll find something better.
You're not a failure at all, Ali. I know you have heard all of the "where God closes a door" types of things, but I truly believe that this is a good thing for your future. You'll find something better.
Thinking of you at this time. You are not a failure, and I am so sorry about your recent job loss. You and your family are in my thoughts..
It is so hard to go through all of that. I worked for a company that was subject to those pesky laws and they still made life miserable for me. And then they were actually surprised when I quit.
Something good will come along. You totally deserve it. I just hope it happens for you soon.
It is hard to not blame yourself, but you did nothing to make this all happen. NOTHING. It is awful to have to battle the guilt and what if's. Sending you big hugs.
Hang in there!
Oh my friend. I so wish I could just hug you and cry with you. I know .. I so know how you feel.
big *hugs* please know I'm keeping you close to my heart!
I'm here from LFCA, just wishing you strength. You are NOT a failure.
You are not a failure. I can't say it better than Ms. J already has. You didn't fail Cadynce. Our bodies are, sadly, entirely beyond our control.
It is a shame that you lost your job but it sounds as though it was making you miserable so maybe there was a teensy silver lining. I'm sorry that they discriminated against you as a result of your medical history, that is very unfair. Fingers crossed that you find something very soon! x
If there was anyway you could change what happened you would - sadly we don't have control over these situations. You are not a failure, you love you daughter and it truly sucks that she is not here, it is not fair.
Screw your job, you are better off without them. Thinking about you!
((hugs)) You are not a failure!
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