Well as we all know 2009 really sucked ass :-(. I really hope that 2010 treats us all a lot better :-).
While I could not wait for last year to be over at the same time I didn't want it to end. 2009 was the best year of my life I was pregnant and I have never been happier, until it all turned to shit when we lost her. It will always be Cadynce's year, and in some ways I feel like I am leaving her behind, she will never physically be with me in any year besides that. I know that I will always hold her in my heart, but that just does not seem enough to me. I miss her so much my heart aches sometimes.
I am truly hoping that this new year gives me what I want, gives me what I need and treats me a hell of a lot better than the last. As most of you know we did an FET on 12/23. I go in for my beta on 1/6 (this coming Wednesday). I do have to confess that I couldn't handle the wait this time (I didnt test with the IVF that gave us Cadynce) and I did a HPT last Wednesday and it came back positive. I am trying not to get my hopes up too much until we get the results back from the beta then have our first ultrasound within the next couple of weeks and see a beating heart. I do have to admit that while there is hope in my heart, my brain can only think of all the things that can go wrong, and that it might not be viable. It's just so early and I dont want to be devastated if its chemcial or such. I also feel guilty a little bit that by trying again we are forgetting or trying to replace Cadynce, but I know thats not true she will never be replaced she will always be my first born, my baby girl in heaven.
I hope that 2010 brings you all everything that you are praying for and dreaming about. You guys are the best thing to come out of the worst thing that ever happened to me.
Much Love and Many Hugs,
Allison
11 comments:
Ali,
Crossing my fingers and praying for a positive for you on Wednesday. I am Hispanic and we celebrate Three King's Day. I am praying you get an extra special present of positive on that day so Cadynce will become a big siter. Hugs, Lizy from Chicago
I'm just so glad that the FET is going so well so far! You'll have to post what your beta numbers are, and how many days past ovulation you are (well, theoretically would be - you know what I mean).
I am hoping for wonderful things for you in 2010. Remembering Cadynce with you!
Cadynce will never be forgotten or replaced when a new baby comes. She will be very much a part of the baby's life as well as yours and dh. Keeping everything crossed for you!
That is a great sign that you got a postive on the HPT. I hope the betas look good!! Hoping that 2010 brings the best for you too.
Will have my fingers crossed for Wednesday.
And of course you aren't forgetting or trying to replace Cadynce. Please don't feel guilty. She'll always be your first child and have a special place in your heart.
I hope that 2010 brings you peace and happiness. xo
I hope your new year is a million times better for you! May 2010 brings you and your family peace, happiness, health..and many blessings!
praying for good beta numbers *hugs*
Cady will always be in your heart.
God bless!!! I know your pain of a loss all too well. We lost our son on November 20th at 18 weeks in my pregnancy.
You are not trying to forget your daughter! Don't ever think that (although, I know those thoughts that creep in). She will always be your first child. And, your next child's oldest sibling :)
Praying for great results on Wednesday!
Oh Ali I am crossing all my fingers and toes for you. It would be so wonderful to give Cadynce a brother or sister!!! I hope that if all goes well with your beta that your doc talks to you about a cerclage and lots of bedrest!!! Wishing you the best honey!
A positive pee stick is a great start! I hope to hear more great news from your lab work.
I wanted to thank all of you guys so much for your kind words...you're all to sweet :-)
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