So, I was going to write some profound statement or letter to Cadynce since today is 4 months since she went to Heaven. But I can't I don't have it in me. All I want to do is cry and scream and gnash my teeth. I feel like I should be in biblical times when they actually did these things in their grief.
This is all I gots:
February 10, 2010
To my daughter Cadynce,
It has been 4 months since you were taken from us (I don't want to say lost because I really truly am beginning to hate that word, you are not lost). October 10, 2009 was both the best day and the worst day of my entire life. I got to meet my first born child my beautiful daughter and then I had to say good bye because it was too soon for you to be born.
You were my world. I miss you more each and every day that you aren't here. You were the most beautiful baby girl in the world. I wish that I could go back in time to that too short time after you were born and hold you longer. I do not think that I would let them take you away from me so soon this time. I would kiss your perfect 10 toes and fingers. Your beautiful hands and feet. I wish you could have lived even if for just a few moments so that I could have shared the same air with you if even for a second. I wonder what color your eyes would have been when you opened them for the first time to see me, even though I know that you really wouldn’t have been able to see me yet.
As more time goes by I am afraid that I will forget you, but at the same time I am afraid to remember. But I can't help remembering, and I guess I really wouldn’t have it any other way.
You will always be in my heart, you took a piece with you when you left and I don't think it will ever heal. But I don't want it to heal; I want to always know/feel that piece that is gone because I know that it is with you.
Please know that I would have given anything for you to not have to go, and I still would to this day for you to be here. I love you more than words can even express.
Cadynce I hope that in the short time you were with us that you know how much you were loved. I worry everyday about that.
Mommy misses you and loves you so much. I pray that you visit me in my dreams even though at the same time I am afraid to go to sleep.
So please visit me in my dreams tonight. I Need to KNOW that you are ok in Heaven with my Pawpaw and Daddy's Pappaw.
Lover forever and ever,
Mommy
12 comments:
sending you hugs.
Cadynce is not only with pawpaw and pappaw, she's with you too.
xoxo
Allison, this is a beautiful letter. Our babies don't need much...just to know we are thinking about them is enough. *hugs*
Remembering your precious girl with you...
That was beautiful, Ali. I'm crying. ((hugs))
Thinking of you today. I too am in the midst of special dates, and its so hard. Yesterday was L's 8 month birthday, tomorrow night marks 8 months he peacefully slipped away. Its just so hard, so raw. I am here with you. Lots of *hugs*
Thinking of you, Ali. I hope that you received the visit in your dreams for which you longed.
That made me cry..and brought back when I lost my 3 babies... I am SO sorry for your lost, if you ever need to talk I am here *HUGS*
I'm thinking of you a lot today. (((HUGS)))
((hugs))
today is better, just wanted to say thanks for your support
A beautiful letter to your daughter.
That is beautiful, Ali. Happy 4 months in Heaven Cadynce.
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