We lost our daughter Cadynce Alice on October 10, 2009, at 20 wks due to incompetent cervix. This is my journey through surviving the grief and learning who I am now...on to our trying for our rainbow.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Help!
I want to do something special for Cadynce's due date, but am at a loss as to what to do.
We don't have a grave to go visit and take flowers and pretties to decorate. What have some of you done to commerate this date for your angels?
The first year, I called in sick to work, lite two candles, and laid on the couch and cried - it was too new and too painful. The next year, I volunteered at a park clean up. This year, I'm not sure.
Another lost baby momma delivers bags of crayons and coloring books to the peds ward, makes quilts for two elderly people and bracelets for hospitals to give to lost baby mommas. She delivers them on her son's birthday. I've always thought that was so kind and generous but it's been too new for me to try anything like that.
You need to be kind to yourself. There is no pressure to do something spectacular. It's always been hard for me to find something that felt right and I figure one year, something will. Sadly, we will have a lifetime of remembering that date...
You could honor her from home by lighting candles and having flowers there. You could also donate or make something in memory of Cadynce. No matter what you do, it will be perfect. Do what feels comfortable to you. xo
I haven't gotten there yet. My husband and I are planning on going camping in the mountains and scattering some of his ashes on the highest peak. If you don't have ashes, or don't want to spread them, maybe you could go somewhere and say a special prayer or read a poem. But like MK said, do what you feel like doing. You may not decide until the day is here. I'll be thinking of you.
Hi Ali. I struggle with this too. Johnny's due date is March 6th. I think I'm gonna keep it simple for me and my family. We are going to get some balloons and go to a local park and then let them go. I asked my family to do the same. Then we will go home and have a small b-day cake for him and sing happy birthday. I couldn't really think of anything else to do so I decided to go simple, but meaningful. Hope this helps. Do whatever makes YOU comfortable. Hugs.
on Ella's birthday we took stuff to the children's hospital (toys and balloons, but that afternoon/evening we had a balloon release and a small cook out with our immediate families..
Have family members write little notes saying how Caydence impacted their lives and inspired them to change. Light a candle the day of and read the notes together. The notes can be framed, put in an album/scrapbook, or in her memory box. Hope this helps. I will be lighting a special candle for Cadynce.
On Brystons due date, I did everything that reminded me of him. Besides visiting his grave I lit his candle, painted sparrows on my toes, and wrote him a letter. My mom remembered and dropped off a willow tree figurine in honor of the day. It was such a hard day. Whatever you chose to do, it will be perfect. *HUGS*
I am so glad to have found you and to see that your blog post is one that I was going to write soon too.
Our Claire was born sleeping on October 1st 2009 at 17 weeks gestation and her due date is March 10th and I am getting more and more anxious as that day nears. I too would like to do something in her honor. I am torn...
What day do I mourn/celebrate? Her due date? Her birth/death date? Is it too much to do something for both?
I guess I have to do what everyone here is suggesting and do what feels right for me. I just don't know what that is yet. It is all still so new and raw.
Thank you for opening your feelings to us. I totally get where you are. There is comfort in knowing we are not alone, sadness to know how many of us are lost in our grief.
Hubby and I took the day off work and just spent the day together. We didn't make any plans and just took the day as it came. Like the other girls said...whatever you decide will be right for you and Caydence. *hugs*
I really don't have any advice b/c we really didn't acknowledge the day. My due date was switched a couple times so it didn't really hold any significance for me. I can only think of simple things like lighting a candle or writing a letter to her. I hope you find something special for you!
i hope you find something to do. i will likely be in training all day, even though i really thought my girls would be here around valentine's day, so that hurdle was passed with lots of crying and cursing. it didn't really help. wanted to share...i bought two of these today...http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=39715127
13 comments:
The first year, I called in sick to work, lite two candles, and laid on the couch and cried - it was too new and too painful. The next year, I volunteered at a park clean up. This year, I'm not sure.
Another lost baby momma delivers bags of crayons and coloring books to the peds ward, makes quilts for two elderly people and bracelets for hospitals to give to lost baby mommas. She delivers them on her son's birthday. I've always thought that was so kind and generous but it's been too new for me to try anything like that.
You need to be kind to yourself. There is no pressure to do something spectacular. It's always been hard for me to find something that felt right and I figure one year, something will. Sadly, we will have a lifetime of remembering that date...
You could honor her from home by lighting candles and having flowers there. You could also donate or make something in memory of Cadynce. No matter what you do, it will be perfect. Do what feels comfortable to you. xo
I haven't gotten there yet. My husband and I are planning on going camping in the mountains and scattering some of his ashes on the highest peak. If you don't have ashes, or don't want to spread them, maybe you could go somewhere and say a special prayer or read a poem. But like MK said, do what you feel like doing. You may not decide until the day is here. I'll be thinking of you.
Hi Ali. I struggle with this too. Johnny's due date is March 6th. I think I'm gonna keep it simple for me and my family. We are going to get some balloons and go to a local park and then let them go. I asked my family to do the same. Then we will go home and have a small b-day cake for him and sing happy birthday. I couldn't really think of anything else to do so I decided to go simple, but meaningful. Hope this helps. Do whatever makes YOU comfortable. Hugs.
on Ella's birthday we took stuff to the children's hospital (toys and balloons, but that afternoon/evening we had a balloon release and a small cook out with our immediate families..
Have family members write little notes saying how Caydence impacted their lives and inspired them to change. Light a candle the day of and read the notes together. The notes can be framed, put in an album/scrapbook, or in her memory box. Hope this helps.
I will be lighting a special candle for Cadynce.
I'm sure whatever you decide to do will be perfect. All of the things mentioned are wonderful ways to remember Caydynce. (((HUGS)))
On Brystons due date, I did everything that reminded me of him. Besides visiting his grave I lit his candle, painted sparrows on my toes, and wrote him a letter. My mom remembered and dropped off a willow tree figurine in honor of the day. It was such a hard day. Whatever you chose to do, it will be perfect. *HUGS*
HI Allison,
I am so glad to have found you and to see that your blog post is one that I was going to write soon too.
Our Claire was born sleeping on October 1st 2009 at 17 weeks gestation and her due date is March 10th and I am getting more and more anxious as that day nears. I too would like to do something in her honor. I am torn...
What day do I mourn/celebrate?
Her due date?
Her birth/death date?
Is it too much to do something for both?
I guess I have to do what everyone here is suggesting and do what feels right for me. I just don't know what that is yet. It is all still so new and raw.
Thank you for opening your feelings to us. I totally get where you are. There is comfort in knowing we are not alone, sadness to know how many of us are lost in our grief.
To brighter days,
Jaime
xo
Hubby and I took the day off work and just spent the day together. We didn't make any plans and just took the day as it came. Like the other girls said...whatever you decide will be right for you and Caydence. *hugs*
I really don't have any advice b/c we really didn't acknowledge the day. My due date was switched a couple times so it didn't really hold any significance for me. I can only think of simple things like lighting a candle or writing a letter to her. I hope you find something special for you!
i hope you find something to do. i will likely be in training all day, even though i really thought my girls would be here around valentine's day, so that hurdle was passed with lots of crying and cursing.
it didn't really help.
wanted to share...i bought two of these today...http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=39715127
thought all the babylost mamas might like it
xoxo
THanks, lis I love it and will definately have to get one
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