Mother's Grief
It matures you, they said
It matures you, they say
Wasn't I mature enough before?
Was I really that bad?
Was I one of the worst?
How come God chose me?
Bereavement and Growth
by Marion Cohen
UNITE Notes, fall 1981, Vol. 1, no. 1
Today is 8 months since we said hello, we love you and good-bye we love. All within a span of 5 minutes. I miss you a little bit more each day. I think about you each day. I remember the good things - when we found out about you, when we saw you moving on each ultrasound, how stubborn you were when you refused to let the U/S tech even catch a glimpse when we were trying to see if you were a girl or a boy, each time I saw and heard your heartbeat, the first time I felt you kick me. I wish that we could have had lots more good memories. I think about the last time I heard your heartbeat. I think about how I knew you were coming when I had the urge to push but I fought it because it was too early for you to be born and I knew that we were going to have to say good-bye.
There are days when I don't think I can go on, then there are days when it seems like I am doing so much better. I honestly don't know which ones are worse. Sometimes I think it is the days when I am doing better because it feels like I am being disloyal to you and forgetting about you (even though I know I never could or will).
I miss you.
Your daddy misses you.
We love you Cadynce
7 comments:
You will never forget your little Cadynce. Please don't feel you are being disloyal if you are doing better, I honestly don't think that is the case.
Thinking of you and your beloved daughter today. xo
Thinking of you, and shedding tears also.
I can sorta relate about feeling disloyal when days seem a bit better (or not as awful) . . . I had a lot of those moments, when I felt terrible for smiling or laughing, as if I had forgotten for a moment. Even though I have gone one to parent real live children, I still have moments like that.
I'm glad you are still sharing and talking about this. It's important to keep sharing your feelings - bottling them up bought me a lot of sessions, down the road, with a counselor (which was VERY helpful, though).
- what Catherine said. I'm thinking of you and little Cadynce today, and hoping you can find some peace.
Sending you and Cadynce so much love, Ali.
thinking of you and your beautiful Cady today
xoxo
Thinking of you, your husband and Cady today.
Peace to you . . .
♥ to you today
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