I had a reminder pop up on my calendar today that I had forgotten to delete. This morning I should have come into work late with the announcement "We have a healthy baby girl" for you see today should have been my anatomy scan.
Instead I am left with empty feelings. My womb is empty, my arms are empty, my eyes are empty, only my heart is not empty. It is full - full of love for our daughter and much love for my husband (he has been my rock through this I don't know how I would have gotten through any of this without him), unfulfilled hope and dreams for our daughter, and full of grief.
I know we are still very early in our journey of learning to live with this grief that will never completely cease, but underneath all of the grief I feel a small (a very, very small) glimmer of hope. I don't know where it comes from or why I feel it, but I have hope. Hope that we will be happy again, hope that we WILL make a family. I think it comes from knowing that we have sooo many people who love us and are praying for us and have HOPE for us.
2 comments:
Ali, there is always hope. Its truely amazing you see even a glimmer so fresh out from your loss. That is a sign of some healing taking place. *hugs*
Beautiful post. Your love for Cadynce speaks loud and clear. As for hope, you can never have too much of that. Hugs
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