Everyone keeps telling me I am so strong and I am handling this so well. I tell them thanks, I am coping or I am doing ok or as well as can be expected.
But what I really am saying on the inside is "NO I am not, I am screaming, crying, gnashing my teeth, pulling my hair, and blaming myself. I feel guilty, I feel anger, I feel GRIEF"
How in the hell am I supposed to be handling this - how would you be handling it if you had lost your child - CAN YOU TELL ME THAT. There are days that I just want everyone to go away.
4 comments:
To be honest a lot of people don't know how to handle loosing someone they love much less their child. I honestly don't believe many people know how you should be acting. How you should be feeling. What you do need to do is be good to yourself and do what you need to do to heal. Its a hard thing to do, but I have learned the hard way that it is what is best. If we have a right to be selfish its now.
((hugs)) I'm in total agreement with everything that Jessica said...there are no words to describe the pain that you're in and people who haven't been there just won't understand.
I'm 15 months from my loss and I still have very angry days and then I have the days where I feel peace...its a crazy process...
Yup, me too. I could just smack people that don't get it. Like really....we had a friend over and we were discussing losing our child and he went on to say he knew how we felt because his aunt had just died. I just looked at him in disbelief. I think it's why I hid in the house for the first few months after Calvin died. Much easier than walking around smacking people. Hugs
There just aren't words for this hell. There were days I wanted to put myself into a straight-jacket and send myself to a mental institution... would that "prove" the depth of my feeling, while I looked like I was "coping so well"? Ugh.
HUGS and much love to you...
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